ultra ~cuddle~ time

Laying in bed to night just cuddling my son as he drifted off to sleep was an awesome chance to just go through my mind to check myself. I noticed where i was holding thoughts and ideas that were not congruent with the moment i was in. It is an interesting space you hold for yourself when you are looking and releasing to come entirely into the present moment.

As i released, relaxed and fell into the warm melty moment of being a mother who's 4 year old son is contentedly laying in my arms cuddling in, our legs entwined, his arms around me, his head relaxed into my shoulder, stroking his lovely hair, breathing, in out, in out, in out. His beautiful face, relaxed and I knew beyond anything my son, in my arms fell into the best sleep ever knowing his mama was there to just be with him. No mind. Big mind, i have heard it said.

Expansiveness, non resistance, gratitude, love.

I thought of times in my past when I had not surrendered fully, like i can now. Breast feeding a child to sleep, but my mind elsewhere, on things incomplete, tasks awaiting my attention, the discomfort would grow and grow. What kind of a vibration is my child receiving if i am there, with him, but NOT fully present. That i would rather be with the washing than with him.

I am so thankful that the contrast has shown me what is more important to me. Remaining connected throughout the day, into the night, and as they go to sleep. I remember feeling like the most loved little girl in the entire world when my grandmother Blanche would softly stroke my hair as i fell off to sleep, i remember her talc smell, her rings on her fingers, etched in, I was loved, she, was fully present.

I am so thankful for my peace, my ability to check in and find peace.