A letter I wrote today....

Hi sweet heart! how is your new one?

I love this path as it has helped me grow so much and become aware of my childrens need to cry. I am hearing that crying is challenging for you and i know it is this way for many because we were not tolerated well when we needed release as kids.

I read The Aware Baby by Althea Solter, that was a fantastic help, the gist is that if your child is fed, warm,connected and basically needs are met then the fussing and crying, (annoying behaviour) is a need to release emotion. I have found this to be true and it works. we all accumulate stress/hurts/ feelings from events of the day and children especially need to be allowed to let it out so they can move thru emotion and of course this means embracing each *Now* moment.

A website i found useful is www.parentingwithpresence.com the crying articles are fantastic. You can find them on facebook and really they are the best tool as they offer up quotes from really aware parenting books daily from which you can gain loads of inspiration. Another amazing blog is Scott Noelle www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove , sign up to his inbox messages! they rock and they help!!!!!

parenting is truely about parenting ourselves: how would you like to be treated in your daughters situation if it were you going thru it.

love patience listening?
impatience, "get over it, it's nothing", smack?

I am sure it is the first choice!!!

how do you wish you were parented? what can you do now that challenges the old paradigm of your conditioning?

I now consistantly acknowledge Mossy's feelings. He sometimes doesnt want to hear that and screams MORE!, some times he says yes i am angry or sad or upset. i let him know that it is okay to feel all of his feelings, but more importantly i have to be okay with him feeling all his feelings.

How can I say "yes" to his feelings now?

I breathe three times before i say anything. I sit close by, i let him know i am there 'listening'. Not judging, this release may not really be about odd socks or the wrong coloured straw, there could be more going on! i dont try to fix the immediate problem, after they cry it out, they'll let you know what is top priority for them: be it "a sleep mummy!, i just need hugs from you now, i need the green straw please, i would like a sandwich, i am hungry".....the need becomes very clear after the release is over. if you try to fix it in that moment of tears, stamping, kicking, you deny the feelings and they get bottled up for next time, you also dont achieve solution/reconnection as the screaming may get worse!!!.

If you cant address the hurts (by calmly listening, or holding) say at the supermarket (i listen in public, and dont try to stop it) but if you have a way of holding it back just remember that later the release may come, be it when you set a humane limit or say you cant play because you are making dinner/breastfeeding etc. it will come out later. some places it just doesnt work to have them throwing stuff/screaming at you! i get that!

my technique is to imagine i am meditating, gaze lovingly into their eyes so the child knows i am there even without words. just your calm presence helps them to know they are safe and heard.

i also really recommend "How to speak so your kids will listen, how to listen so your kids will speak"

that book is a treasure and a sacred tool in our homelife! i now have useful tools that are alternatives to "dont!" NO!" and more. its awesome to communicate postively even when you dont like the behaviour eg child running in a store "Shops are for walking and browsing!"
there are a million more examples but i can just see you loving that book!!!!

okay darling i hope that has assisted you. email back any ideas or feedback!!!

love always and I cant wait to see you and your beauties at the Unschooling conference!

Miss holly