My magic Mirror

Healing the Inner child as parents so that we can really parent with our best foot forward has been surfacing so much for me lately. I am being shaken up and forced to acknowledge and let go of more "stuff". It doesnt feel pretty moving thru it, but I have been thru layers of my stuff enough to know that doing the hard work, leads to rainbows on the other side. Now I just give thanks for the opportunity to grow.

My latest, and I expect, greatest challenge is being mirrored by my gorgeous and inspiring son Moss. My best and my worst behaviour is played out by him. Parents, as you know this can be awfully confronting and for me as I am willing to be concious of the behaviour (my behaviour), that is uncomfortable for me when being played out by him. I am being urged by my higher self to feel and let go of old, old wounds.

Wounding/trauma is inherent in all of us, from being parented in ways that were oft times demeaning, hurtful, shaming and not aligned with authenicity and compassion. Many of us are acutely aware of when we fall into those old ways of relating (ways we were spoken to) and if we can be honest with ourselves, pull ourselves up and change tack we can end up in a place of true compassion and connection with our children.

Our kids are our barometer of our innerfeelings, and I think, how authentic am I being in any moment. How aligned with my heart centred self am I right *now*? Am I responding in a way to you, that I would my best friend, or how I would like to be spoken to?

For me sometimes, it is too late, the words have slipped out that sound just like my parents did.

Thank fully I am able to speak honestly to Moss about working on my pain (in a very simple way) and that i want to relate to him better, and i am reminding my self to be more present and think before I speak.

My main reason for posting tonight was to see if i could actually work thru some of this pain by writing about it and getting my thoughts out there.

The truth is, I am uncomfortable at times with the strength of my son's emotional reactions to things. I am able to see though, that when I am tired, too hungry or my thoughts have assisted me to attract a "bad" day, I myself don't always react rationally to some situations.

In those moments I know what I need is patience, a kind word or compassionate/understanding vibe, reassurance that it's okay to feel. Not someone getting exasherbated by my behaviour, yelling at me, etc. That would make me feel worse and even remorseful, that i would express so passionately!

This is what I can actively do in Mossy's moments of passion.

1. Remember to *breathe*
2. Don't say anything if thinking negatively.
3. Find peace inside and model that while the storm rages within him.
4. Find functionality: avoiding the dysfunctional old paradigm of relating.
5. These moments pass and they do bring clarity, if connection is allowed, reestablished and fostered between you in the bliss moments as well as the stormy ones.

It has been said that the first child you have has a temprement like you, your second, like your partener (daddy). For us that is most definately the truth. Moss represents for me, my stormy emotional inner seas and my brilliant empathy and intuition. Lotus eminates the true peace of her daddy, as far as i can see so far. She gives me daily injections of love and clarity, mainlined straight into my heart.

I am grateful to be able to write and bring myself back to centre. Thanks for listening.

The Art of Raw

~ Raw Chocolate Cheezecake topped with Goji's and Beepollen ~

I post a lot on face book what i happen to be making on any given day and it really seems to inspire people to play or experiment in their own kitchens. It seems though there are some questions about this raw food style of eating and why I do it, whats involved and what foods we "raw foodies" get into.

What is Raw Food?

When I post "I have made a Raw Pizza" i don't mean pepperoni cheese that i just pulled out of the packet and didn't bother heating. What is involved is making the choice to eat primarily fresh natural foods in their raw (naked) state, the water rich raw foods communicate with the body on a cellular level, keeping me hydrated and energised, healthy and looking young.

I personally eat (and juice) heaps of greens (spinach, lettuce, kale, herbs, beet greens, carrot greens, wheatgrass, barleygrass, sprouts etc), fruits and vegetables, nuts and seeds, raw honey and sweetners like stevia and dates and occasionally agave syrup, buckwheat, superfoods (chia, cacao, lucuma, mesquite, beepollen, goji berries, hemp) and choose to eat local and seasonal produce.

We enjoy the ritual of farmers markets weekly, shopping at local organic suppliers and picking at orchards that do not spray in our area, we also grow much of our greens, herbs, tomatos, cucumbers, pumpkins, zucchinis etc.

Raw eating is creative, inventive and constantly evolving as we discover new ways to get potent nutrition into our bodies while being in a joyful state, who wants to eat healthy that doesn't taste good right?

I buy raw recipe books, use Google eg 'raw brocolli soup' glean ideas and tweak them to my taste, i also "like" a heap of raw people and pages on fb and get inspired! There is almost nothing that you can't emulate from a normal cooked meal...it is so amazing as we have the best tools available to us to recreate dishes like Lasagne, pasta, pizza, nacho's, meatloaf, breads, cookies,pancakes, wraps and so so much more!

Tools in a Raw Kitchen:

Blender: you'll need a blender to make your dairy free mylks ie; almond mylk, cashew mylk, brazil nut mylk. Your daily smoothie of fruits and blended greens. soups,cheezes, kremes and frozen delights. Also really handy for grinding seeds like flax for your breads and wraps. We love Vita Prep, Vita Mix and the Blendtech Blender, these are really powerful, but if you just want to add raw green smoothies to your morning and a nut mylk you can eay pick up a blender for $60 at an outlet that supplies appliences.

Food Processor: great for pates, mixing up chocolate mousse, pulsing your muselies, pie crusts, and heaps more! You can pick up these guys at yard sales really cheap, as you will use them so much, they can be a cheap investment to begin your raw journey...

Dehydrator: A great investment to further your raw journey.... with your dehydrator your raw door opens even wider as this allows you to emulate some cooked foods, and be the creator of raw crackers, breads, pizza bases, bikkies, chips, dried fruits, crunchy nuts and more!!!

www.raw-pleasure.com.au/Dehydrators

Juicer: Juicers come in two types, you have Centrifuge juicers that fling the juice around and heat it while juicing at lightning speed and you have slow masticating juicers that slowly crunch and press your juice, allowing it to trickle out without being heated or ruining the active enzymes in your juice! We use a compact $249 here at home, and also a Champion Juicer. Other awesome Juicers are the Hurom Juicer rrp $499 and the GreenStar rrp $990.

Try ebay for cheaper appliences too!

Superfoods: it is becoming more and more common to find Superfoods in common cooked products in the supermarket for example, breads are now baked with Chia for added Omega nutrition, store bought packaged smoothies commonly contain Spirulina or green powders, so we are seeing the revolution in alot of places, cafes and outlets. it is becoming more and more common to supplement as our soils are deficient due to the unbalanced approach to agriculture and farming in the mainstream food supply.

I daily supplement with different superfoods, put them in my kids smoothies and raw desserts. I find them a great and tasty addition to anything actually and getting a little bit extra from my food feels good!

Cacao is an amazing Magnesium source and i actually periodically crave it! My diet is hi raw, and what i consume that it not raw is a whole food. I reallyvbelieve that my body is continually giving me messages about the minerals and vitamins it needs and i follow those intuitive "cravings".

I was asked if cacao is actually good for you. There are two mindsets about this and there are people who do have a reaction to the raw/fermented cacao bean and would never have one to the cooked "cocoa" version. Cacao in its natural state is a sacred food, i have known people to study with Shamans who journey with this incredible substance , using it as medicine. I have personally experienced incredible whole body highs with eating raw chocolate (made with intent) alone.

I believe food is medicine, our bodies show us what is right for us when we are tuned in and we can experience highs, ecstatic bliss, incredible healing thru eating Sacred Foods and raw atural wholefoods.

There are amazing books by David Wolfe on Chocolate and Superfoods, David is considered a top source of knowledge on these incredible foods, Tony Robbins is mentored by him!. Check out "Naked Chocolate" by Shazzie and David Wolfe, and David's book "Superfoods" for the whole range of what is possible and what is out there for you to reach out and enjoy!

On to the cheezecake recipe!

This is made in three parts. The base, The filling, The topping. Feel free to tweak it, change some ingredients and make it your own:

Base:

• 1 1/4 cups Almonds


• 3T cacao


• 2 T coconut oil


• 1 cup pitted medjool dates


• 1 t raw vanilla powder or extract


• pinch of hymalayan salt

Use a food processor to process ingredients into a consistancy that it sticks together when you press it. It should be moist. Press into your pie dish.

Filling:

• 1 1/2 cups raw cashews (soaked for about 4 hours)


• 1 1/2 t vanilla powder


• 1 1/2 frozen bananas


• juice of 1 medium lemon, just squeezing it in with your hands


• 5 T cacao


• 1/2 cup medjool dates (4 or 5)


• pinch of salt


• 1/4 cup coconut oil

Blend all of this together in your blender, I add water if the mixture is not moving and smoothing out. Blend till it doesn't feel gritty,it will be silky smooth with enough water in your mix.

Pour over your pie crust and freeze! you can refrigerate until the pie is cuttable, but if you'd like it like the pic above then freeze for about 5 hours.

Topping:

• 2 T coconut oil


• 2T agave/raw honey/maple


• 3T cacao


• a teeny bit of salt

I mix this together by hand and pour over the frozen cheezecake, it will harden just like ice magic. When you are serving cut with a hot knife to get a perfect piece and top with goji berries, beepollen and rose petals, for an extra special touch.

Thanks for reading and questions or comments about raw, post below!

To your vitality!

A letter I wrote today....

Hi sweet heart! how is your new one?

I love this path as it has helped me grow so much and become aware of my childrens need to cry. I am hearing that crying is challenging for you and i know it is this way for many because we were not tolerated well when we needed release as kids.

I read The Aware Baby by Althea Solter, that was a fantastic help, the gist is that if your child is fed, warm,connected and basically needs are met then the fussing and crying, (annoying behaviour) is a need to release emotion. I have found this to be true and it works. we all accumulate stress/hurts/ feelings from events of the day and children especially need to be allowed to let it out so they can move thru emotion and of course this means embracing each *Now* moment.

A website i found useful is www.parentingwithpresence.com the crying articles are fantastic. You can find them on facebook and really they are the best tool as they offer up quotes from really aware parenting books daily from which you can gain loads of inspiration. Another amazing blog is Scott Noelle www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove , sign up to his inbox messages! they rock and they help!!!!!

parenting is truely about parenting ourselves: how would you like to be treated in your daughters situation if it were you going thru it.

love patience listening?
impatience, "get over it, it's nothing", smack?

I am sure it is the first choice!!!

how do you wish you were parented? what can you do now that challenges the old paradigm of your conditioning?

I now consistantly acknowledge Mossy's feelings. He sometimes doesnt want to hear that and screams MORE!, some times he says yes i am angry or sad or upset. i let him know that it is okay to feel all of his feelings, but more importantly i have to be okay with him feeling all his feelings.

How can I say "yes" to his feelings now?

I breathe three times before i say anything. I sit close by, i let him know i am there 'listening'. Not judging, this release may not really be about odd socks or the wrong coloured straw, there could be more going on! i dont try to fix the immediate problem, after they cry it out, they'll let you know what is top priority for them: be it "a sleep mummy!, i just need hugs from you now, i need the green straw please, i would like a sandwich, i am hungry".....the need becomes very clear after the release is over. if you try to fix it in that moment of tears, stamping, kicking, you deny the feelings and they get bottled up for next time, you also dont achieve solution/reconnection as the screaming may get worse!!!.

If you cant address the hurts (by calmly listening, or holding) say at the supermarket (i listen in public, and dont try to stop it) but if you have a way of holding it back just remember that later the release may come, be it when you set a humane limit or say you cant play because you are making dinner/breastfeeding etc. it will come out later. some places it just doesnt work to have them throwing stuff/screaming at you! i get that!

my technique is to imagine i am meditating, gaze lovingly into their eyes so the child knows i am there even without words. just your calm presence helps them to know they are safe and heard.

i also really recommend "How to speak so your kids will listen, how to listen so your kids will speak"

that book is a treasure and a sacred tool in our homelife! i now have useful tools that are alternatives to "dont!" NO!" and more. its awesome to communicate postively even when you dont like the behaviour eg child running in a store "Shops are for walking and browsing!"
there are a million more examples but i can just see you loving that book!!!!

okay darling i hope that has assisted you. email back any ideas or feedback!!!

love always and I cant wait to see you and your beauties at the Unschooling conference!

Miss holly

Welcome Lotus Lua-Lanii

Birthing Lotus in love and trust.

a pic that i randomly opened between contractions...a blossoming lotus ♥

Our Unassisted Birth Experience <3

I woke during Tuesday night,feeling deep in my cervix the beginnings of our special day of birthing. i awoke early Wednesday with a huge show and went up to the house to light a fire and make Raspberry Leaf Tea. I thought alot about Moss and our love and how i hoped it would grow bigger as we welcomed our new companion to our family.

Sensations were between 10 and 15 minutes apart, so i relaxed, went to the truck and breastfed Moss as he woke up and trusted my body doing its work without examinations or even a thought as to how far i was opening. i just knew it would all happen today.

At about 10 am, i started to really have to concentrate as i experienced each sensation. I put on my birth relaxation and settled in, Peck put hot compresses with Clary Sage on my back and womb as i felt them coming. They were still 10 minutes apart and remained that way until about 4 pm.

3,2,1 relaxxx

During the day I walked around, got in different positions, played with Peck and Mossy in the garden, and ate and drank plenty. Contractions were still taking my attention but i wasn't in the Zone yet by any means. A quick call to Kimba my beautiful birthing coach after a contraction reflected that indeed the hormones were flowing, although at ten mins apart(-still)! Labour could go any way and I should trust, surrender to it and thank my body for the sweet rythmic opening that she is doing all by herself!

At 3:50pm, i sat on the toilet and was rocked by three contractions within ten minutes, I called Kimba at 4pm and let her know, she advised me to drop out of my head and into my body. She said if the contractions get to consistantly 4 mins apart to fill that birthing pool! I stood in front of the computer and timed each one for the next twenty minutes. 3 minutes apart straight down to 2!!! I had skipped the 4 minute point!

I called to Dot (Pecks mama) and Peck to fill the pool and quick! Kimba had asked me to say what i needed to say to them and get out of my head. I was getting rocked by now and felt a huge huge urge to purge everything i could from my body, I had also a strong sense of urgency sort of a controlled panic and as i entered the room where the pool was almost half full, i had a strong contraction and my waters popped! That must have been about 4:45pm. (i am guessing)

i jumped in that pool a fast as i could, my incredible family team had it at a comfortable 37 degrees and presented a lush fruit smoothy to me i put as much of my body in that half filled pool as i could, my sense of urgency progressed into fearful thoughts surfacing in my concious mind.

Peck had knelt in front of me as we both became aware that i was in transition. As much as i could muster, not really able to speak but doing my best, i voiced my huge looming fear of the birth progressing as Mossy's birth did resulting in intervetion, and all the wonderful preparation that we had done was for nothing, that i would never be able to do that again. I could never do it, could i just give up now and go home?

Deciding to acknowledge and let go, let go, let go

surrende.r surrender. surrender NOW....

Once my fears were aired suddenly my body rocked with waves that were indescribable. They were now coming in two fully powerful waves in the one contraction and my body was bearing down during part of it! Stage 2 had begun!!!! Already????? I grunted through that contraction and yelled "Why do I want to PUSH????"

Dot encouraged me to change positions while we were doing so she asked me "Where is baby Now, Holly?"

" I don't know!!!" I shouted, but her question prompted me to deeply look within and "see" my child.

The next conrtaction confirmed what I witnessed and I was able to say, "she's here, she's coming". The sensations were truely powerful and baby so close to her destination was so encouraging for me. Dot anchored me, holding me, wet cold towels on my face, encouraging me to breathe the pain out as i roared.i never wanted her eyes to leave mine. She gave me cups of water between contractions, which were definately more like expulsions by now....Peck, so strong, behind me all the way, putting wonderful pressure on my back and hips, watching this miracle unfold. my anchors.

i felt down, touching her wonderful hairy crown as she descended, i surprised myself by commentating between the massive contractions about what was happening! She pushed ever forward, slid back a little like she was gaining momentum for her entrance!!!

Intuitively I held my Perenium during each thunderous contraction, Peck passed me a little towel which helped but I suddenly realised after the burning senstation that she had crowned and i could touch her precious face!!! I knew it was going to be a moment and there she would be.

I spoke softly," I am ready to meet you honey" my body was on pause. I told Peck and Momba that she was going to slide out, i would now birth her body with the next contraction, it was graceful, all was still. sip of water. breathe.

A rush and there she was. Peck saw her somersault thru the water, held her gently, brought her up to the surface. Birthed into the golden evening light.

seconds after lotus was birthed

I was semi in shock, and awe, Paige ran in to take the first photo.

i was oblivious, i turned around to sit after birthing on all fours in the pool and Peck handed her to me. I just recognised her straight away. I knew she would look like this! here she is in her isness at last.

The rest unfolded as it did. I sat in amazement. Dottie was saying "magical birth! wonderful birth!" and announcing the time she breathed. I sat watching her as she sneezed and cleared her nose and throat resting on my empty belly. A small cry and calmness all around, she floated gently supported in the warm water and found herself back in womby bliss. Her eyes opened more as blankets were put on the windows and there she was, moving legs and arms, feeling the watery extension of her previous home.....

We sat in the pool, supported by Homoepathics, by beauty mama Paige and birthed the placenta, Mossy fed, baby fed...we let the cord be...

Later we found out Lotus was 8 pounds 12 oz, about 4 kgs. She is healthy, calm and so sweet with her elegant lady fingers, feeding perfectly, loved sweetly.

Freebirthed into freedom at 6.20 pm on 09:02:2011.<3

1 day young..